My Walk with the Lord

I guess no one would really believe me if I tell this. Some people are having a hard time understanding how it happened. As for me, I know it is the truth. Maybe it is only MY truth but it is what’s been keeping me alive and what made me believe that there is a GOD.

Year 2018: It was during my evening prayer that time. I was alone in my room and crying. I was depressed and down and I wanted to end my pain. I asked Jesus why I had to go through all those things. I remembered asking Him, “Hanggang kailan, Lord? Hanggang kailan?”

Then I heard a voice speaking. It wasn’t just a still and small whisper; it was a loud but gentle voice. My ears heard it, but it was as though the voice came out of my heart. As if my heart had a mouth and it could speak. It’s weird, I know. I couldn’t really explain it well. But my room was filled with a loud but gentle voice telling me to “hold on.” When I heard it, warmth spread all over me and I felt as if I was being comforted. The Lord spoke to me with only two words, but it felt as though it came with a promise that I only needed to HOLD ON because something wonderful will happen soon.

Year 2019: My husband and I were inside a church for a funeral service. That year, I already knew how the Lord hates graven images. But there I was, inside a church filled with santo and rebulto. I decided not to kneel on the pew later on but to remain seated so I won’t have to bow down to the statues in front of me. We were then called to stand because the mass was about to start. I couldn’t look in front; I do not like to look at the statues because they annoy me for some reason. I then made a quick prayer: “Father God, sorry po at nandito ako sa loob ng simbahan na maraming mga rebulto na ayaw po Ninyo. Kaya lang po kailangan ko kasing makisama kasi nandito ang mga kamag-anak namin.”

Then, there was a loud voice, full of authority, that spoke and asked me: “Sino ba ang mas mahalaga sa ‘yo? Sila o Ako?”

My knees trembled. I was afraid and yet I was in awe of how great and powerful the voice had sounded. I guess you could call it divine awe. But no one else seemed to hear it. My ears heard it, but the voice for some reason spoke from my mind as if my mind/brain has a mouth and it could speak.

Immediately, I answered, “Kayo po, Lord! Sorry po, sorry po. Lalabas na ako.”

That was the very last time I went inside a church full of graven images.

Feb 2022: I was watching a Sunday Church service online when the Spirit of the Lord spoke to me by suddenly flashing a question across my mind: “Sino ang pipiliin mo?” He gave me a name and asked me to choose between Him and that person. My heart grieved; I didn’t know why I felt the question was difficult. Maybe perhaps my heart already knew what the question really meant. But in the end, I answered: “Ikaw po, Lord.”

March 2022: I was in our living room praying. I was accusing the Lord of things I shouldn’t have. I told Him how unfair He was and that He has His favorites. I told Him He doesn’t care about me, that He doesn’t listen to my prayers, and how hurt I was because He was ignoring me. After a while, I calmed down and asked for His forgiveness. Then I went to my room to sleep. As I was about to close my eyes, I felt pain in my heart as if someone was squeezing it. Then I said to myself, “Lord! You are angry at me!” But His Spirit told me (in my mind) that He wanted to let me know that He heard me and he always had; that He knew about the hurt I was feeling, and He wanted me to feel how hurt He was because of my accusations.

I was so ashamed afterward. I have hurt the only One who truly cares for me and loves me. I promised myself I will never hurt the Lord, the very reason why I am still alive today.

What am I trying to say here? My point is we can actually hear the Lord speak to us if we just listen, truly listen. It is not only through an epiphany or through our bible readings and devotionals, but He also speaks directly to us if we only listen carefully. Maybe He already did it when a question popped in your mind or when you felt something in your heart that you must do even though you don’t understand why you needed to do it.

There was a time when the Spirit gave me the right question to ask, though on my own I could have never thought to ask it, and it made the person I am speaking with confess the truth.

So I encourage you to listen carefully. We may think that the Lord doesn’t hear us, but He does. And most often He answers us directly, we just need to listen closely.

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